It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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