u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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