Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
