i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
then he tried to convert me to islam
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
