1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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