this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
