Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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