I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
