I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
