Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Drake has all the answers
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
