They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Less talking, more tequila
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
