She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
