i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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