Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
