those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
