Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
