wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
