you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
