I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
