I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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