Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
