it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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