In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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