hotel room ftw
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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