I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
