Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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