im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
