drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
