my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
