I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
