I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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