He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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