Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
