Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
