I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
