just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
