this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We named our party play list daddy issues
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
