We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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