Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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