Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I had to cum in my sink.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
