He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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