Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
