those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
