I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Actions speak louder than pants.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
