so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize