I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
