he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize