i wish starbucks made bloody marys
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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