Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
