I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
