Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
