So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
