I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
