She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
