hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Holy sore nipples Batman
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
