with your own penis?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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