Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
