just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My bed smells like the plague
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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