ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
