Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
