That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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