Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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