The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
