I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
