Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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