That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize