Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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